Child Self-Esteem Course with Paulette Trueblood

Yes, you can raise happy, self-confident children. Yes, you can give your child a healthy
foundation for life.Our workshops strive to help participants understand the fundamentals self-esteem, as well
as learning strategies and exercises that will contribute to a continuing process of building
their child’s self-esteem.

Suppose your dream is to be a star musician, with all the fame and fortune that goes with it. Maybe you see yourself becoming the American idol. But sadly, you have limited musical ability and you can’t carry a tune. That could be a setup for low self-esteem. Suppose instead, that you learn how much fun it can be to just play in the band, making music with your friends. Presto, your self-esteem rises. Same situation, driven from a different perspective.Self-concept is how we see ourselves. Self-esteem is how well we like what we see! As demonstrated in the above example, self-esteem is both created and learned. It develops from the kinds of experiences the child has as seen from the perspective of their own value systems and expectations.

Self-esteem emanates from the collection of beliefs or feelings we hold about ourselves, and it influences our motivations, attitudes, and behaviors and our emotional adjustment.

It is important that kids develop a healthy “self concept,” meaning that they like what they see, because personal esteem is the foundation upon which one builds a happy, successful life.Children with high self-esteem will be better able to:

• act independently
• assume responsibility
• take pride in their accomplishments
• tolerate frustration
• attempt new tasks and challenges
• handle positive and negative emotions
• offer assistance to others

Conversely, children with low self-esteem may:

• avoid trying new things
• feel unloved and unwanted
• blame others for their own shortcomings
• feel emotionally indifferent
• be unable to tolerate frustration
• put themselves down
• fall victim to negative influence

Parents are the most influential contributors to a child’s self-esteem. They can help their children to have positive experiences based upon their given skills, talents and temperament. They can help them identify and modify weaknesses. They can be role models by working on improving their own self-esteem.The essence of what is required is fairly simple to understand. My favorite way of looking at it is through the words of a poem that has been published in many versions, but often accredited to Dorothy Law Nolte:

• If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn
• If a child lives with hostility, she learns to fight
• If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy
• If a child lives with fear, she learns to be apprehensive
• If a child lives with shame, he learns to feel guilty
  BUT
• If a child lives with tolerance, she learns to be patient
• If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate
• If a child lives with acceptance, she learns to love
• If a child lives with recognition, he learns it is good to have a goal
• If a child lives with honesty, she learns what truth is
• If a child lives with fairness, he learns justice
• If a child lives with security, she learns to have faith in himself and those about him.
• If a child lives with friendliness, (s)he learns the world is a nice place in which to live, to love and to be loved

Practicing those principles on a regular basis is sometimes more difficult than simply learning them. Family and child counselors can help the esteem-building process in several ways. Family therapists help parents identify barriers that prevent a child from feeling good about themselves, and tackling the issues that contribute to those barriers.Family therapists work on improving interpersonal communication, and work with families on managing anger in the family. Good family communication is 2-way, respectful, but with the parents in charge.

It is important for parents to be in charge, to be the leaders of their family. They teach their children to control their own behavior. They teach children to make choices and recognize the consequences of their choices. They teach them how to understand the rules and how the rules apply to them. They set rules that are clear, fair to all and, yet, flexible.

You can learn more about finding a therapist who is best suited for your family needs.

In our workshops we use a number of discovery and assessment exercises that help us promote positive life approaches. For example:

• Mastering social life skills, from the perspective of the emerging role of the child versus the parent, from infancy to adolescence.
• Identifying and understanding the family personality, from a physical, social, intellectual, emotional and spiritual standpoint.
• Learning to respond to mistakes in a constructive, not destructive manner.
• Assessing, and realistically accepting, our own individual assets and differences, and those of our children, in terms of many attributes. For example, how adaptable are we? How sensitive, social, impulsive, organized, competitive, artistic, athletic, et al? And then learning to build on our assets
• Listening skills. For example, learning how to be prepared to listen, paying full and active attention, listening to the whole person not just the words, being authentic about our listening, understanding what the point is, and whether to give advice and how.
• Positive Telling. For example, practicing positive feedback, not just through words and phrases, but throught body language as well. Phrase practice.
• Principles of “corrective communication” and affirmation. Things like respecting the child’s worth and intelligence. Discussing one complaint at a time, avoiding throwing in the kitchen sink. Using “non-blaming” statements. Choosing your battles, and knowing how to apologize when you are wrong.

1. Demonstrate that you are happy to be with your children.
   A smile, hug, pat on the back, or tone of voice.
2. Notice & comment on behaviors that your child does well.
   Be specific.
3. Limit the number of negative comments.
   Choose your battles.
4. Discover your child’s favorite activity.
   Learn to enjoy it with them even if it doesn’t particularly appeal to you.
5. Talk with your family about what’s working
   Do more of what’s working.
6. Picture your desired outcome when spending time with your child.
   Ask yourself what one thing you can do to move closer to that result.
7. Teach your children affirmations.
   “I am lovable.” “I am cooperative.”
8. Talk to your children about what you want.
   Rather than what you don’t want.
9. Laugh & play with your kids.
   Have Fun!
10. Commit a random act of love & kindness each week.
    Surprise your child with an unexpected extra.

For More Information View a List of our Suggested Therapy Readings